There Must Be More

I haven’t felt this hollow for some time.

It’s not because Lemmy from Motorhead died today or that it is six years today that Jimmy “The Rev” Sullivan from Avenged Sevenfold died.

It’s not because I had to work and missed two hours of Monday night Raw.

Frankly, I don’t know why I feel the way I feel. I just feel so empty.

So much happens in this world that is cruel and unjust. It’s hard to deal with as a spectator and player in the game. I just want to help but I’m lead to believe I can’t do anything.

That’s what pisses me off. This close-minded, “we can’t change anything” attitude people have that just infuriates me beyond words.

Moreover, I’m just sick of waking up every single day and going through the motions. As one of my favorite Disney movies serenaded, “there must be more than this provincial life.”

There really must be…

5 Things To Help That “Stuck In A Rut” Feeling

Stuck in a rut and feeling down? We’ve all been there before. With all of the crazy twists and turns the ride of life takes us on, it’s no surprise that we sometimes find ourselves stuck in a rut without motivation. I’m going to share with you some tips that might help motivate you enough to get out of that funk.

1. SOCIALIZE!

I know, I know. Who wants to socialize when you’re down in the dumps? I fall victim to the “I hate everyone” mentality too, but just being around a friend or two may help lift your spirits. Force yourself to get out of the house or have a good friend or two come over and surprise you. You’ll thank me later.

2. Channel Your Feelings Into Something Creative.

My favorite thing to do when I feel down and out is write. I usually always find a lot of inspiration when I’m going through a rough patch. Recently, I’ve been loving making YouTube videos. But it doesn’t have to be something so public for you. Maybe you like knitting or painting. Or maybe even cooking can be something to help turn your angst into creativity. Whatever it is, you’ll find that your creative side benefits from times like these and ultimately helps lift you out of that funk.

3. Make It A Point To Brush Your Teeth And Get Ready.

This sounds weird, but when you’re really really feeling down, this can be one of the hardest tasks to complete (next to actually getting out of bed). I find that if I can at least get out of bed and brush my teeth, then I can at least make it down stairs and have a better day than I would just laying in bed. If you’re really feeling wild, take a shower, put on some makeup, and do your hair. As superficial as it sounds, if you look good, you’ll most likely start to feel better.

4. Cry.

It’s okay to cry. Sometimes we just need to. Go ahead. Don’t be afraid. Crying cleanses the soul and usually makes you feel a bit of relief once it’s out. There is no shame in the crying game every one in a while.

5. Seek Professional Counsel.

If you are rely struggling (or not), there is nothing wrong with seeking the help of a professional. Let’s be real. Sometimes talking to your friends and family makes you feel judged and guilty. Sometimes you just need a neutral party to listen and give guidance. Even if you think what you’re dealing with isn’t big enough for professional attention, go anyway. You might be surprised to see how much it can actually help you and how much that little thing was really affecting your life.

 

And there it is, ladies and gents. If you really can’t seem to find a way on your own to get out of that rut, remember that asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It actually shows strength. What are some things you like to do that help pull you out of a funk? Let me know in the comments below!

Have a lovely day!

xoxoAngel Marie

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It’s My Cup Of Tea

What a difference something so small could make in a day.

This morning was full of rushing – I rushed to get ready, I rushed to work in the snow. Once I arrived at work I was bombarded by employees asking for supplies which I rushed to give them. My company login wasn’t working so I rushed to call the IT department only to get an answering machine. I rushed around more asking if anyone else was having login trouble (my company was just bought by another company) but no one else was. IT called me back in the mean time and I rushed to answer the phone. They fixed it. After that, I rushed to login and get all of my essential documentation and information that I needed to start my day.

Once all of that was done, I stopped rushing and made a cup of tea. Since my participation in the 40 Days to Personal Revolution at my yoga studio, I have cut out a lot of unhealthy eating habits – one of them being sugar. I have developed quite a sensitivity to too much sugar; and artificial sweetener – you can just forget about it. I wouldn’t touch that stuff even if you paid me.

Long story short, I made my cup of tea and was looking all over for regular sugar. I searched every drawer and every other place I could think of where someone would have hidden it. Nothing. The only sugar that was available was artificial sweetener. Reluctant, I grabbed one packet and thought I’d try it out.

“Before I ruin my tea, let me try it with just cream,” I said to myself.

In that moment, it was like the heavens opened up, radiating a beautiful sparkling light and angels came down playing trumpets of solid gold. I never knew how heavenly a cup of tea sans sugar could be. This one cup of sugarless tea has made such a difference in my overall mood and outlook on the moment. Believe it or not, I attribute my serenity to this cup of sugarless deliciousness.

Sounds crazy right? It’s really not. At one time I couldn’t imagine not consuming sugar – especially in my tea. Now that I know it’s possible and it actually tastes a lot better to me, I can’t imagine how I once believed it was impossible to have a cup of tea without and sugar.

Indeed it is truly the little things that we let bother us. However, it is also the little things that can turn our day into a great day. So rather than getting in a huff over the small stuff, I challenge you to find the small stuff that makes you smile. After all, enjoying life should be everyone’s cup of tea.

The Journey WIthin

Last night I was typing up what I thought to be a really great post for all of you. Unfortunately, I pressed the shift key to capitalize my next sentence and the entire post deleted right before my eyes. I was devastated to say the least. After proofing this one, I’m confident that I have delivered to all of you something even better than that last post and I’m so happy to share this with you all.

So without further a due, here it is: The Journey Within.

I wanted to take this time to share a few things with all of you. Yesterday at work I had one hell of a day. I could feel myself in my desk chair ready to snap like a rubber band that has been stretched passed its capacity. To keep it simple, my job has really been taking a toll on me.

During my lunch yesterday I decided to read some of my 40 Days to Personal Revolution book to clam my mind. What I found was not only profound, but completely astounding to me. The “ah-ha” moment happened for sure.

I’d like to share with you now two of the passages that really hit me where I needed to feel it.

“It is simply the willingness to see in full truthfulness what we need to face within ourselves and our lives so that we may get into right alignment.” – Baron Baptiste, 40 Days to Personal Revolution

This hit me harder than when Triple H hit Shawn Michaels in the back with a sledgehammer at the 2002 Summer Slam street-fight match.

Years prior to today, I would try to mask the truth from myself. I couldn’t make a decision about my life to save it. Was the relationship I was in at the time toxic? (Yes!) Was it good for me? (Hell no!) Should I pursue my BA Degree in Journalism? (Yes). Should I go to nursing school even though I hated my career as a Certified Nurses Aid? (Why would you if you already know you don’t like it?) Should I just stay out of school all together? (That’s what your relationship at the time drilled into your head.)

All of these things and much more would fill my brain as I’d lay awake at night restless and miserable. What I am seeing now is that my head was so clouded with so many things that I couldn’t see my path. I wasn’t ready to accept the truth and see situations for what they were. That was partly because of having so many things jumbled in my brain, but also because I felt the need to make everyone else happy. That was not leading me down a clear path.

The path I was on was covered in shrubs, dead trees, and darkness. I felt I had no light to lead me, nor any clarity on any one thing. It took a long series of events for me to see I was doing it all wrong and now I’m proud to say I am out of that toxic relationship and in a new awesome relationship where my opinions are valued and I am loved. I am pursing my BA Degree in Journalism at a State University and have left the nursing profession all together.

In the last year my life has taken a turn for the better and I couldn’t be more grateful. Now I feel I am on a clear path. The best part of this is, the path is clear only to what is in front of my at the moment. The rest of the path is unknown and I’m more than okay with that. I’m not saying it will always be this way, but for this moment, I’m so happy to have this realization and it brings me even more joy to share it with all of you. I love you all for your endless support and encouragement.

The second and final thing I wanted to share with you is this other quote from Baron’s book, 40 Days to Personal Revolution. It reads: “control freaks are usually insomniacs – they can’t let go.”

Coming from one fellow control freak, that statement is right on the money. My need to constantly try to figure out the next steps and keep everything “the way it should be” was making me lose touch with the present moment. I was forgetting how to be happy with what was. I was losing myself. I feel I’ve come a long way from a year ago, but these are things I still struggle with.

Like I said before, I’m happy on my path right now only seeing what’s in front of me. However, sometimes I do get curious and try to see what’s over the hill and far, far away. Nonetheless, thank the powers that be for this amazing transformation thus far.

What I’m working on now within myself is really learning to let go. I don’t want to be burdened by the past, nor hindered by the future or what I try to predict the future to be. The bottom line is right now is all that matters. It’s all we have. The present moment is the only thing that is true even though it is fleeting.

Like Mike Ness from Social Distortion sings in Reach for the Sky:

“So if you please take this moment,Try if you can make it last
Don’t think about no future and just forget about the past..”

I hope this was as exciting for you all to read as it was for me to write (even the second time around). May the world bring you joy and everything that is good.

Namaste.

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My thought right now is:

Never plan your life around another person.

Too many times I don’t do things, sitting and waiting around for a special someone to ask me to do something.

When I rearrange my life for them and they do something different it really irritates me.
Lesson learned: live life for yourself.

This sounds selfish, doesn’t it? Well if you’re like me, you know being selfless sometimes gets you hurt.

Enjoy your life being you doing what you love, doing what you want, following your heart. Don’t put it on hold for anyone.

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The Power of Words

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A broken castle by the shore. That’s what I feel like right now. I feel like a lump of sand that was once a castle, plopped on the beach all broken and turned to mush.

I think a lot of fathers don’t understand how they affect their daughters. My father and I never got along. There was a time when I really tried, but that is fading fast.

When I was a teenager, maybe thirteen or fourteen, I remember my dad and I getting into a fight about doing the dishes with a sponge. I was looking for a sponge to do them with and he got so mad that I wasn’t doing them yet that he practically lunged over the kitchen table at me. I ran up the stairs and he charged after me. Knowing the upstairs bathroom was the only room upstairs with a door that locked, I scurried into the bathroom and locked the door.

Shaking with tears, the only words I remember from that day are these from my father saying, “I never loved you the way a father should love his daughter.”

I’ll never forget that as long as I live.

Ever.

That must have stuck with me throughout all of my relationships too. Even now that I have a good guy, I still have a hard time believing that he loves me. The sad thing is, I know he does love me with his whole heart. But for some reason I can’t fully believe it. Is it from the relationship I’ve had with my father?

Many psychoanalysts will probably say yes. But I’ve never consulted one and I don’t care to. I don’t see the need to pay someone to tell me why I am the way I am.

Why don’t I agree with men going out without their woman? My dad used to not come home from work and my mom would find his car at ladies houses. Has my dad ever cheated? He claims no, but some would say the proof is in the pudding. He wasn’t the one home with mom when she was crying – my brother and I were though. I saw how he tormented her heart and I’ve tried so hard not to let my heart be tormented by a man like hers was. I see by trying so hard I wound up having it happen anyway. Nonetheless, maybe that’s why I have a hard time believing and trusting people.

I saw a lot as I grew up between my mom and dad. They never should have stayed together. For various reasons they did and I feel somewhat fucked up because of it. But who knows, maybe I’d be more fucked up if they haven’t. I guess everything happens for a reason. At least I learned that I want to give my future children (if I ever have any) a better family life than what my parents gave me.

I’m not saying it was horrible, because I have great memories with my mom and brother and even a few from dad. I guess I would do it differently.

Today I came home and my dad was in the kitchen. I looked at him and he looked at me. I smiled and laughed trying to make it not so awkward. He just looked at me with his ice blue eyes.

“What?” I said.

He looked at me even colder and replied, “Why don’t you just stay with that kid. You’re nothing but a disturbance here.”

Another line to add to the things I never forget my dad saying to me.

Moral of this post: You never know how powerful words really are.