To The Guy who Called Me An A**Hole

Today I decided to drive to a health food store to see what kind of goodies they had. I was at this particular store once before and thought I knew where it was.
As I drove into town I realized I wasn’t so sure. I pulled up to a red light and tried to say the name of the place to my phone to get directions. As usual, it picked up nothing near the health food store’s name I was trying to reach.
I decided to try to type the name of the store quickly and as I was I heard yelling from the car next to me, “Hey asshole! Get off the phone!”
I looked at him, saw the light was green, and drove away. At first I felt hurt but quickly realized that he was right. I was an asshole for doing that.
Not only was I not paying attention to the road, I was jeopardizing my life and the lives of others even though it was only at a red light.
The moral of today’s story is that it’s not cool at all to be on your phone even at a red light, even if you’re just trying to find directions, even if you’re taking a call. Just don’t do it.
Thank you to the guy who made me aware. I don’t know who you are and even though you called me an asshole, you were right.

I Cut Her Out Of My Life Because She Knew Too Much

You read it right. A few years ago I cut all ties with my best friend because she knew too much. All of my deepest, darkest secrets I confided in her and trusted her not to tell anyone.

She was my best friend. I went everywhere with her and told her everything. It all changed a few years ago when I met some guy. Slowly over time, I forgot all about my best friend, rarely talking to her or telling her about the peril I was facing in this toxic relationship.

About a year into that same toxic relationship, the guy found a bunch of old pictures of me partying with my friends and having fun. They were from almost two years before the time of him scouring my computer and finding them.

He immediately freaked out, questioning me and my integrity as a person saying that I was disgusting for ever being “that way”. Immediately, I knew nothing from my past was safe. I knew that if he found my best friend I would really be in for it.

So what did I do? What any other brainwashed girl in an abusive relationship would do. I destroyed my best friend. I ripped out all of her pages and sent them to the shredder. All of the moments I wasn’t so proud of I destroyed.

My journal was a part of me for my entire life. I took it everywhere and wrote in it almost daily, sometimes even two or three times. My journal kept all of my secrets and knew the discrete details of my life that I’m not so proud to admit to anyone and quite frankly, never have.

I refer to my journal as my best friend because I remember writing in it like I was talking to my best friend. For example, “Did I tell you that this happened the other day? When I went to school . . .”

You get the picture. I guess I never had a life-long best friend because I always confided in my journal. I never needed anyone else. Also, through writing I was able to sort out messes in my head and be my complete self. More importantly, I could say exactly what I wanted without fear of judgement.

When I was in that toxic relationship, I was so afraid of him judging me and thinking I was a bad person because of my past. I destroyed my journal and all the pictures I had of myself being anything less of a perfect role model because I didn’t want him to make me feel like less of a person.

This is so wrong on so many levels. Ladies (and gents), please, NEVER COMPROMISE YOURSELF FOR ANYONE! EVER! 

Because I did just that, I lost the pages that documented my life. Also during those two years, I completely lost myself. I couldn’t identify with anything except what he wanted me to be.

In hindsight, I can’t believe I ever let myself succumb to that. Regardless, I did, and I’ve recently decided to take up my beloved journaling once again. I thought it was something really powerful that I need to share and actually came to that realization while journaling. Part of this post is taken from the particular journal entry that inspired me.

I hope you found this post to be inspiring too. Have you ever given up something you loved for the wrong reasons? Were you ever pressured to change who you are? Have you ever wanted to erase your past to “fit” the description someone else has for you?

A word of advice is just walk away from those people or situations with your head held high. Never let anyone make you feel like you are inferior. You are truly unique and beautiful just the way you are.

In closing, be proud of who you are and where you’ve come from. Your past doesn’t define you and anyone who says it does is just running from theirs.

xoxoAngel Marie

Being Young Does Not Mean Being Invincible.

In some fields, it is expected of you to put your body through physical, mental and emotional exhaustion for a paycheck. I’m all for hard work – don’t get me wrong- it’s just that I’m not willing to put my wellness at stake and do crazy shifts.

“Oh, well you’re young. You can do it!” That’s something us “young” people hear all the time when it comes to working more. Let me ask you something: Don’t we all need sleep in order to function? And more than three hours of it during those crazy work days.

What the higher-ups usually fail to realize is that just because we’re young doesn’t mean we can jeopardize our health and well-being to stay and do a double.

When I overexerted my limits by working over 50 hours in four days, I had a splitting migraine that impaired my hearing and vision while driving home, had numbness in both my arms, and couldn’t catch my breath. I don’t know how I made it home without crashing my car.

My body was not just telling me – it was screaming at me that I was exhausted and out of fuel. Not to mention, I was feeling panicked because of all of the symptoms of exhaustion I was experiencing. I didn’t know what was going on – I didn’t know if I should go to the hospital or lay in bed.

To think just an hour before all of this I was asked stay another eight hours of nightshift. When I declined I was told, “Oh, but you’re young – you have tons of energy! You can do it!”

Really? So let me ask this, because I’m “young” means I should have all of this energy to work 64 hours in four days? I don’t think so.

Moral of the story is next time you think someone can do extensive work (some along with school) because they “are young and have a lot of energy,” take into consideration the fact that every human being needs sleep in order to function. These “young people” you think do nothing are actually working hard and struggling.

In today’s day and age, being young does not mean being invincible; being young means being a slave to the society created for us to live in.

What do you think about this topic? Do you think because a person is young that they should push themselves to the exhaustion point? Or do you think that age shouldn’t matter – that no one should be pushed to that point? Let me know in the comments below!!

xoxoAngelMaie

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The Tale of the Ensnared Car

Every time I try to sit here and write for you it’s like I am a blank canvas. I guess the good thing about blank canvases is that they can turn into anything. . .

My car was stuck in a parking space since last Monday. On Sunday, we went to try to get it out of the spot because it was next to a restaurant (one I used to work at no less) and I didn’t want them to tow the car. You see, when I worked at this place, the owners were rude and payed hardly enough to put gas in my car for school. What’s funny is that I wound up skipping town during my employment there and found myself stuck in Chicago for a few days. That’s a story for another day.

Anyway, we couldn’t move the car. It wouldn’t budge no matter how hard my man pushed or how far down I pressed the gas petal – nothing worked. Baffled on what to do next, I saw out of the corner of my eye a shovel and bucket of ice being handed off to my boyfriend. It was from the owner of the restaurant.

Isn’t it funny how you think you’ll never see these people again or that you’ll never need them? She started to help shovel around my tires and throw salt. Then she started to help my boyfriend push the car. We still couldn’t get it out. There she went again, all 4ft 9inches of her, hacking away at the ice under my front tire.

We tried again. Nothing. At this point, I was ready to pack it in and leave the car there another day. My boyfriend was too. His constant uttering of, “It’s not gonna move” really gave that away. Then, out of nowhere, comes a tall, dark skinned guy (probably around my age)  who asked if we needed help. Of course we took him up on the offer.

After a few minutes of pushing, shoveling, hacking, and salting, we finally managed to free my car from the parking spot that ensnared it. Both my boyfriend and I thanked the owner of the restaurant and the boy who came to our aid. This was one of those times that I wish I carried cash with me just to give them both something for their troubles.

I kept wondering if the restaurant owner remembered who I was the entire time. I suppose the moral of the story is this: you never know when you’ll need help; nor do you know who we be the one to provide that help.



When You Want To Change The World

Sometimes you feel helpless – how do you help everyone?

I just watched a dog rescue video and I’m so sad. I know it’s only a dog rescue video, but that’s my point.

It was sad and completely heart worming. I wish every homeless dog could be rescued and be cared for with all of the love in the world.

I also wish this for every person. Wouldn’t it be amazing for every single person on this earth to have a home, food, clothes, shoes, love.

Can you imagine a world like that?

I want to live in that world because all the hate and negativity is becoming too much for my heart to carry.

All of the pain I see people go through –

All of the neglect I hear about –

All of the bad things we humans cause for other humans and forms of life.

Were we always this selfish?

Photo courtesy of Google
Photo courtesy of Google

When did we stop caring?

Your Wildest Dreams Will Come True

See it. Believe it. Dream it. Do it.

Up until recently, I really struggled with chasing my dreams. I really struggled with confidence and I really struggled with fear. Taking a chance was too daunting of a task and the anxiety of just thinking of taking s risk sent me into full on panic attacks. 

When I was a little girl I had an aspiration to be something great. I’ve been writing ever since I could hold a pencil and I’ve always felt compelled to change the world with my words in a positive way. 

My first dream was to be a rock star. I would sit in my room for hours filling notebooks with song after song after song. I even had a cassette tape recorder (yes, the old school kind with a tape and everything)that I would sing the songs onto so I would rember the melodies later on. 

In high school I went to the votech for cosmetology and received my license in the state of Pennsylvania. I’m not quite sure when I decided after that that I wanted to be a writer.  It must have happened somewhere in between wanting to be a rockstar and a cosmetologist because I went to votech so I could work as a cosmetologist while I put myself through college for journalism. 

I started my “college journey” as a writer in 2008, although I had been writing my entire life, my formal training  began here. While attending my local community college I learned as much as I could about the field I wanted to have a career in. My general education classes I can’t say the same for, unfortunately.

However, it took me four years to earn that associate’s degree. I became very discouraged and financially strapped while pursuing my degree. It became harder and harder for me to see the point of my struggles. Finally, I had had enough of my dead end telemarketing job and financial struggles. I made a decision that woulld shake me to the bone and change me in many ways.

To help with my financial hardship, I took a position as a caregiver. Later I learned that if I became certified I would make double what I was making at that point. So off I went and became a certified nurses aid. I worked in that field for two years and paid off my debts. On that journey I met many wonderful people and heard many wonderful stories that I hope to share with the world some day. 

Not all of those stories are happy stories. As a matter of fact, a lot of them are sad, heartbreaking stories. That profession sucked all of the life out of me (not to mention the destructive relationship I was in at the time didn’t help my cause). I was always sad and angry. I was always feeling blue and even considered seeing a doctor for depression. Deep down though, I knew what was wrong. 

Anyone can go to the doctor for a pill, but not everyone can face their daemons and change their lives in order to be happy. I realized after a long time that I needed to make a change because I refused to be medicated and be set on autopilot throuh life. Wit that said, I changed my job and I got out of that relationship and started to rediscover my dream.

Not very long after I started my new job as a warehouse clerk, I met the man I am with today. He was the driving force behind me, pushing me to peruse my dream in writing. With his encouragement and support, I enrolled back into college to get my bachelors degree in journalism  and media communications. 

I can’t begin to tell you how my life has changed. I went thought some really tough times to get to where I am today, and somehow, even though I strayed very far from my path, I made it back to it. Somehow, someway, something guided me back to where I need to be.  I think the irony in it is that I was where I was meant to be the entire time. I had to go through that stuff to appreciate where I am now. Life’s funny like that.

The point is, if you try and keep believing, all of your wildest dreams will come true. As Joyce Meyer says, “I may not be where I need to be, but thank I’m not where I used to be.”

Life’s a journey. Enjoy the ride.

 

It’s My Cup Of Tea

What a difference something so small could make in a day.

This morning was full of rushing – I rushed to get ready, I rushed to work in the snow. Once I arrived at work I was bombarded by employees asking for supplies which I rushed to give them. My company login wasn’t working so I rushed to call the IT department only to get an answering machine. I rushed around more asking if anyone else was having login trouble (my company was just bought by another company) but no one else was. IT called me back in the mean time and I rushed to answer the phone. They fixed it. After that, I rushed to login and get all of my essential documentation and information that I needed to start my day.

Once all of that was done, I stopped rushing and made a cup of tea. Since my participation in the 40 Days to Personal Revolution at my yoga studio, I have cut out a lot of unhealthy eating habits – one of them being sugar. I have developed quite a sensitivity to too much sugar; and artificial sweetener – you can just forget about it. I wouldn’t touch that stuff even if you paid me.

Long story short, I made my cup of tea and was looking all over for regular sugar. I searched every drawer and every other place I could think of where someone would have hidden it. Nothing. The only sugar that was available was artificial sweetener. Reluctant, I grabbed one packet and thought I’d try it out.

“Before I ruin my tea, let me try it with just cream,” I said to myself.

In that moment, it was like the heavens opened up, radiating a beautiful sparkling light and angels came down playing trumpets of solid gold. I never knew how heavenly a cup of tea sans sugar could be. This one cup of sugarless tea has made such a difference in my overall mood and outlook on the moment. Believe it or not, I attribute my serenity to this cup of sugarless deliciousness.

Sounds crazy right? It’s really not. At one time I couldn’t imagine not consuming sugar – especially in my tea. Now that I know it’s possible and it actually tastes a lot better to me, I can’t imagine how I once believed it was impossible to have a cup of tea without and sugar.

Indeed it is truly the little things that we let bother us. However, it is also the little things that can turn our day into a great day. So rather than getting in a huff over the small stuff, I challenge you to find the small stuff that makes you smile. After all, enjoying life should be everyone’s cup of tea.

I Just Want To Write

It’s 10:30pm. Seems normal for one to be awake, right? For me it’s Wednesday night and that means work Thursday morning. What’s wrong with that? Well, my work day isn’t your typical 9-5. I start at 4am and work until 4:30pm every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Needless to say, I wake up at 2am on these days.
Despite the early start time, it never fails that on Wednesday night I can’t sleep. I always have a bunch of ideas that pop into my head about things I should have done during the day, things I need to get done soon, articles I want to write, what I’m going to wear the next day – you name it, it has probably crossed mind on any given Wednesday night.
With that said, I’m writing because it’s Wednesday night and I can’t get out of my head.
Here goes my thoughts at the moment. Bare with me on this one – it’s really just a nice mashing of my brain sprawled out on my WordPress.
This past weekend, I started my Servin ‘ It Up Sundays segment, but I want to do so much more.
Within the past year, yoga and health and fitness have become very important to me. I’m thinking of starting a health and fitness day on here for writings of that nature. At school, I’m thinking of turning health and fitness into my niche column. The only problem I have with that is that I really want to portray in my articles that I am a well-rounded writer and can write about anything.
Speaking of the school paper, my first article was published in it this week and I just got to see it in print today. I am so excited and so proud.

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Anyway, I just have so much floating through my brain right now – this is a really scattered piece. What ties it together is the fact that I just want to write. I love writing and I can’t explain what a gift going back to school for writing is to me at this moment.
It’s like after a super crazy journey over the last six years God said, “Here. You’ve struggled and learned your lesson. You’ve begged me to give you this chance – now that you’re ready, savor every moment. Do everything you can and do it to the best of your ability. Never stop learning.”
I just want to tell all of you out there who feel like you’re going through what seems like the worst time of your life. I know it feels like it will never end, but trust me, if you keep believing you will be delivered in due time. Life gives you obstacles so you can overcome them and become a better person. If I hadn’t overcome some things, I would never be here today doing what I love.
Ask. Believe. Receive. Be grateful.

Thank You!

Hello my lovely readers!

Today is a very special day. At the start of this month I set a goal for myself to reach 300 views throughout the month. With two days to spare I’m so proud to share with you that with your help, my goal was reached.

I thank you all for the support you have been giving me and it’s with my deepest gratitude that I say without you, this never could have happened.

When I turned 20 my life was almost taken from me by the hands of another. By the time I turned 21, I found myself starting what would turn out the be the worst two and a half years of my life. Regardless of everything else that happened in that time frame, the biggest thing that I believe contributed to my misery was that I gave up writing.

I threw the towel in. I closed up shop. I didn’t do it for me. I did it partly out of fear and partly because I couldn’t even be honest with myself. At that time I was so confused and in a very unhealthy, toxic relationship. I was trying to give love and be loved when the only thing I ever really loved I had given up; and that was writing.

There it was – my passion, my heart, my soul – all shriveled up and seemingly lifeless. I thought I lost my love for good.

Some time following, I ended that toxic relationship and began fresh, starting with my number one love: writing. I started this blog as a place to express myself after being silenced for two and a half years. Creating this safe space to rediscover my voice not only in my writing, but also in myself was the only thing I ever thought I would get from this blog.

As time passed, my blog has evolved just like I have. It is a part of me now and more than just a place to write and discover myself. This blog, I feel, is a work of art that all of you helped support over the last year.

You have watched me blossom, and I must say without this outlet, I don’t know that I ever would have realized that my path lies in writing. For that, I’m forever grateful to all of you who have been there to read about what I have to say – and those of you who have encouraged me along the way – I can not place a value on the support and encouragement you have all shown and continue to show me.

To my man, thank you for encouraging not only this blog, but also my continued education to obtain my BA Degree in journalism. You have been such a breath of fresh air to my withered lungs. My gratitude to you and appreciation for you grows more and more every day just as my love for you. Thank you for showing me that it’s not wrong to chase my dreams.

To all of my followers and loyal readers, I have some little writing treats in store for you in the very near future to show you my appreciation and to thank you for your continued support.

I can’t wait to see what the month of February brings! Much love and appreciation for you all!

Angel aka TheGirlDish

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