I Cut Her Out Of My Life Because She Knew Too Much

You read it right. A few years ago I cut all ties with my best friend because she knew too much. All of my deepest, darkest secrets I confided in her and trusted her not to tell anyone.

She was my best friend. I went everywhere with her and told her everything. It all changed a few years ago when I met some guy. Slowly over time, I forgot all about my best friend, rarely talking to her or telling her about the peril I was facing in this toxic relationship.

About a year into that same toxic relationship, the guy found a bunch of old pictures of me partying with my friends and having fun. They were from almost two years before the time of him scouring my computer and finding them.

He immediately freaked out, questioning me and my integrity as a person saying that I was disgusting for ever being “that way”. Immediately, I knew nothing from my past was safe. I knew that if he found my best friend I would really be in for it.

So what did I do? What any other brainwashed girl in an abusive relationship would do. I destroyed my best friend. I ripped out all of her pages and sent them to the shredder. All of the moments I wasn’t so proud of I destroyed.

My journal was a part of me for my entire life. I took it everywhere and wrote in it almost daily, sometimes even two or three times. My journal kept all of my secrets and knew the discrete details of my life that I’m not so proud to admit to anyone and quite frankly, never have.

I refer to my journal as my best friend because I remember writing in it like I was talking to my best friend. For example, “Did I tell you that this happened the other day? When I went to school . . .”

You get the picture. I guess I never had a life-long best friend because I always confided in my journal. I never needed anyone else. Also, through writing I was able to sort out messes in my head and be my complete self. More importantly, I could say exactly what I wanted without fear of judgement.

When I was in that toxic relationship, I was so afraid of him judging me and thinking I was a bad person because of my past. I destroyed my journal and all the pictures I had of myself being anything less of a perfect role model because I didn’t want him to make me feel like less of a person.

This is so wrong on so many levels. Ladies (and gents), please, NEVER COMPROMISE YOURSELF FOR ANYONE! EVER! 

Because I did just that, I lost the pages that documented my life. Also during those two years, I completely lost myself. I couldn’t identify with anything except what he wanted me to be.

In hindsight, I can’t believe I ever let myself succumb to that. Regardless, I did, and I’ve recently decided to take up my beloved journaling once again. I thought it was something really powerful that I need to share and actually came to that realization while journaling. Part of this post is taken from the particular journal entry that inspired me.

I hope you found this post to be inspiring too. Have you ever given up something you loved for the wrong reasons? Were you ever pressured to change who you are? Have you ever wanted to erase your past to “fit” the description someone else has for you?

A word of advice is just walk away from those people or situations with your head held high. Never let anyone make you feel like you are inferior. You are truly unique and beautiful just the way you are.

In closing, be proud of who you are and where you’ve come from. Your past doesn’t define you and anyone who says it does is just running from theirs.

xoxoAngel Marie

5 Things To Help That “Stuck In A Rut” Feeling

Stuck in a rut and feeling down? We’ve all been there before. With all of the crazy twists and turns the ride of life takes us on, it’s no surprise that we sometimes find ourselves stuck in a rut without motivation. I’m going to share with you some tips that might help motivate you enough to get out of that funk.

1. SOCIALIZE!

I know, I know. Who wants to socialize when you’re down in the dumps? I fall victim to the “I hate everyone” mentality too, but just being around a friend or two may help lift your spirits. Force yourself to get out of the house or have a good friend or two come over and surprise you. You’ll thank me later.

2. Channel Your Feelings Into Something Creative.

My favorite thing to do when I feel down and out is write. I usually always find a lot of inspiration when I’m going through a rough patch. Recently, I’ve been loving making YouTube videos. But it doesn’t have to be something so public for you. Maybe you like knitting or painting. Or maybe even cooking can be something to help turn your angst into creativity. Whatever it is, you’ll find that your creative side benefits from times like these and ultimately helps lift you out of that funk.

3. Make It A Point To Brush Your Teeth And Get Ready.

This sounds weird, but when you’re really really feeling down, this can be one of the hardest tasks to complete (next to actually getting out of bed). I find that if I can at least get out of bed and brush my teeth, then I can at least make it down stairs and have a better day than I would just laying in bed. If you’re really feeling wild, take a shower, put on some makeup, and do your hair. As superficial as it sounds, if you look good, you’ll most likely start to feel better.

4. Cry.

It’s okay to cry. Sometimes we just need to. Go ahead. Don’t be afraid. Crying cleanses the soul and usually makes you feel a bit of relief once it’s out. There is no shame in the crying game every one in a while.

5. Seek Professional Counsel.

If you are rely struggling (or not), there is nothing wrong with seeking the help of a professional. Let’s be real. Sometimes talking to your friends and family makes you feel judged and guilty. Sometimes you just need a neutral party to listen and give guidance. Even if you think what you’re dealing with isn’t big enough for professional attention, go anyway. You might be surprised to see how much it can actually help you and how much that little thing was really affecting your life.

 

And there it is, ladies and gents. If you really can’t seem to find a way on your own to get out of that rut, remember that asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It actually shows strength. What are some things you like to do that help pull you out of a funk? Let me know in the comments below!

Have a lovely day!

xoxoAngel Marie

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The Journey WIthin

Last night I was typing up what I thought to be a really great post for all of you. Unfortunately, I pressed the shift key to capitalize my next sentence and the entire post deleted right before my eyes. I was devastated to say the least. After proofing this one, I’m confident that I have delivered to all of you something even better than that last post and I’m so happy to share this with you all.

So without further a due, here it is: The Journey Within.

I wanted to take this time to share a few things with all of you. Yesterday at work I had one hell of a day. I could feel myself in my desk chair ready to snap like a rubber band that has been stretched passed its capacity. To keep it simple, my job has really been taking a toll on me.

During my lunch yesterday I decided to read some of my 40 Days to Personal Revolution book to clam my mind. What I found was not only profound, but completely astounding to me. The “ah-ha” moment happened for sure.

I’d like to share with you now two of the passages that really hit me where I needed to feel it.

“It is simply the willingness to see in full truthfulness what we need to face within ourselves and our lives so that we may get into right alignment.” – Baron Baptiste, 40 Days to Personal Revolution

This hit me harder than when Triple H hit Shawn Michaels in the back with a sledgehammer at the 2002 Summer Slam street-fight match.

Years prior to today, I would try to mask the truth from myself. I couldn’t make a decision about my life to save it. Was the relationship I was in at the time toxic? (Yes!) Was it good for me? (Hell no!) Should I pursue my BA Degree in Journalism? (Yes). Should I go to nursing school even though I hated my career as a Certified Nurses Aid? (Why would you if you already know you don’t like it?) Should I just stay out of school all together? (That’s what your relationship at the time drilled into your head.)

All of these things and much more would fill my brain as I’d lay awake at night restless and miserable. What I am seeing now is that my head was so clouded with so many things that I couldn’t see my path. I wasn’t ready to accept the truth and see situations for what they were. That was partly because of having so many things jumbled in my brain, but also because I felt the need to make everyone else happy. That was not leading me down a clear path.

The path I was on was covered in shrubs, dead trees, and darkness. I felt I had no light to lead me, nor any clarity on any one thing. It took a long series of events for me to see I was doing it all wrong and now I’m proud to say I am out of that toxic relationship and in a new awesome relationship where my opinions are valued and I am loved. I am pursing my BA Degree in Journalism at a State University and have left the nursing profession all together.

In the last year my life has taken a turn for the better and I couldn’t be more grateful. Now I feel I am on a clear path. The best part of this is, the path is clear only to what is in front of my at the moment. The rest of the path is unknown and I’m more than okay with that. I’m not saying it will always be this way, but for this moment, I’m so happy to have this realization and it brings me even more joy to share it with all of you. I love you all for your endless support and encouragement.

The second and final thing I wanted to share with you is this other quote from Baron’s book, 40 Days to Personal Revolution. It reads: “control freaks are usually insomniacs – they can’t let go.”

Coming from one fellow control freak, that statement is right on the money. My need to constantly try to figure out the next steps and keep everything “the way it should be” was making me lose touch with the present moment. I was forgetting how to be happy with what was. I was losing myself. I feel I’ve come a long way from a year ago, but these are things I still struggle with.

Like I said before, I’m happy on my path right now only seeing what’s in front of me. However, sometimes I do get curious and try to see what’s over the hill and far, far away. Nonetheless, thank the powers that be for this amazing transformation thus far.

What I’m working on now within myself is really learning to let go. I don’t want to be burdened by the past, nor hindered by the future or what I try to predict the future to be. The bottom line is right now is all that matters. It’s all we have. The present moment is the only thing that is true even though it is fleeting.

Like Mike Ness from Social Distortion sings in Reach for the Sky:

“So if you please take this moment,Try if you can make it last
Don’t think about no future and just forget about the past..”

I hope this was as exciting for you all to read as it was for me to write (even the second time around). May the world bring you joy and everything that is good.

Namaste.

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Pardon Me, It Appears My Phone is Notifying Me That I Should See This Now

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We’ve all been there before: we’re out with a friend having lunch or dinner and their phone goes off. They check their phone and you go back to your conversation and everything is fine. But we all have that friend where it seems their phone is way more interesting than anything you have to say.

This is scary to me. It’s scary to me because it’s almost as if we’ve forgotten how to communicate with people in person (and not to mention display some manners).

Why go out with a friend/friends just to be on your phone the entire time? Or why keep going out with a friend who is always on their phone just pretending to listen to you?

I hate when in out with a friend eating lunch or dinner and they’re constantly texting or web browsing while we’re (really more like I’m) talking. I usually stop what I’m saying after the third time they pick up the phone to text or look at something. I hate when they say to me, “oh, go ahead, I’m listening.” You know why I hate it? Because they’re not listening.

Have you ever tried to listen to someone while you’re texting or browsing on your phone? It’s near impossible to remember what that person said especially if you’re in an intense texting conversation or looking at something that interests you.

With all of that said, I think it is the most disrespectful thing you can do to a friend while you’re hanging out with them. To me, there’s no point to go out with a friend just to have them mentally be in another place. It’s just a waste of time.

What do you think? Are you the friend who texts and is on your phone the whole time you’re out with your friends or are you the friend who is always being interrupted by your friend who is always on their phone?

From Skid Row to Flying Crows: My Experience from the Handstand, Hugs, and Highways Tour 2014 at Mystic Power Yoga

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I was blessed enough to be a part of the Handstand, Hugs, and Highways Tour 2014 with Baptiste affiliate studio, Mystic Power Yoga. My life has been forever changed and I can’t even begin to explain to all of you how. Nonetheless, I will try my best to share with you what has been shared with me.

When I walked into the Mystic Studio I could feel the excitement in the air. I could sense the curiosity of my fellow yogis as the looks on some of their faces was unsure what they were really about to experience. I could see how some were just ready for a good sweaty yoga class. By the end of the two and a half hour experience, everyone was glowing, rid of whatever expression crossed their faces just hours before. Let me share with you my perception of his beautiful night.

Walter and Acha are two young men from Kenya who participate in a program called the African Yoga Project. What it does, is it creates jobs for people in Kenya so they do not have to resort to stealing, prostitution, and other crimes to take care of themselves and their families. When I heard Acha and Walters’ stories of living on the streets, drug use, and theft, my heart broke. I could tell that they both really didn’t want that life – that was the life they were practically forced to live. They both described a hopelessness that they felt during those times in their lives. Just like most of us, they struggled to find hope, peace, and acceptance in life.

They were both introduced to yoga in Kenya and that’s where they began to change their lives. By finding inner peace through yoga, they have been able to travel the world and teach so many people not only their incredible story, but the gift of yoga.

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I have never been more challenged in a yoga class like I was with Acha and Walter. Physically, it was the most demanding class I’ve participated in and mentally and emotionally, the most rewarding. What I have learned from them is a priceless lesson, and that is, we are all connected. We are all one.

They taught me to give something as simple as a smile can change someone’s day.They showed me to share a bit of sweat, growth, and energy is probably the best thing for the soul. They opened my eyes. They opened my eyes to what’s really going on in the world around us. They opened my heart and showed me how to love and care about strangers. They opened my mind to all of the amazing possibilities life can bring. They gave me something I can never thank them enough for – hope.

As this all comes full circle, they gave me hope after receiving hope themselves. Now I feel my mission is to share that hope with all of you. I feel like I’m so blessed and I take many of those blessings for granted every day. After catching a glimpse of what life is like for people in Kenya, I now understand a little bit more how amazingly wonderful and blessed my life really is.

I received many messages from this yoga class, one of which being to let yourself GROW. Growth is essential for change. It may hurt, but it’s worth it. Another message I took from this experience is to accept yourself for yourself, your past and everything that makes you an individual. In turn, accept other for who they are as well.

The last valuable lessons I learned from this class that I wish to share with you at this time, is to love. We are all connected – we are all one. There is not one soul more valuable than another. We are all equal and individually beautiful. Give to the world – give your love to the world and the world will give you love back. Although we are all different, our hearts all beat the same. 

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Thank you to Walter, Acha, and my yoga teacher Michele for making this all possible.

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**All Photos taken by Rebecca Bicking

http://www.mysticyogastudio.com/

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Mystic-Power-Yoga/261854823846722

http://www.africayogaproject.org/

https://www.facebook.com/africayogaproject