Last night I was typing up what I thought to be a really great post for all of you. Unfortunately, I pressed the shift key to capitalize my next sentence and the entire post deleted right before my eyes. I was devastated to say the least. After proofing this one, I’m confident that I have delivered to all of you something even better than that last post and I’m so happy to share this with you all.
So without further a due, here it is: The Journey Within.
I wanted to take this time to share a few things with all of you. Yesterday at work I had one hell of a day. I could feel myself in my desk chair ready to snap like a rubber band that has been stretched passed its capacity. To keep it simple, my job has really been taking a toll on me.
During my lunch yesterday I decided to read some of my 40 Days to Personal Revolution book to clam my mind. What I found was not only profound, but completely astounding to me. The “ah-ha” moment happened for sure.
I’d like to share with you now two of the passages that really hit me where I needed to feel it.
“It is simply the willingness to see in full truthfulness what we need to face within ourselves and our lives so that we may get into right alignment.” – Baron Baptiste, 40 Days to Personal Revolution
This hit me harder than when Triple H hit Shawn Michaels in the back with a sledgehammer at the 2002 Summer Slam street-fight match.
Years prior to today, I would try to mask the truth from myself. I couldn’t make a decision about my life to save it. Was the relationship I was in at the time toxic? (Yes!) Was it good for me? (Hell no!) Should I pursue my BA Degree in Journalism? (Yes). Should I go to nursing school even though I hated my career as a Certified Nurses Aid? (Why would you if you already know you don’t like it?) Should I just stay out of school all together? (That’s what your relationship at the time drilled into your head.)
All of these things and much more would fill my brain as I’d lay awake at night restless and miserable. What I am seeing now is that my head was so clouded with so many things that I couldn’t see my path. I wasn’t ready to accept the truth and see situations for what they were. That was partly because of having so many things jumbled in my brain, but also because I felt the need to make everyone else happy. That was not leading me down a clear path.
The path I was on was covered in shrubs, dead trees, and darkness. I felt I had no light to lead me, nor any clarity on any one thing. It took a long series of events for me to see I was doing it all wrong and now I’m proud to say I am out of that toxic relationship and in a new awesome relationship where my opinions are valued and I am loved. I am pursing my BA Degree in Journalism at a State University and have left the nursing profession all together.
In the last year my life has taken a turn for the better and I couldn’t be more grateful. Now I feel I am on a clear path. The best part of this is, the path is clear only to what is in front of my at the moment. The rest of the path is unknown and I’m more than okay with that. I’m not saying it will always be this way, but for this moment, I’m so happy to have this realization and it brings me even more joy to share it with all of you. I love you all for your endless support and encouragement.
The second and final thing I wanted to share with you is this other quote from Baron’s book, 40 Days to Personal Revolution. It reads: “control freaks are usually insomniacs – they can’t let go.”
Coming from one fellow control freak, that statement is right on the money. My need to constantly try to figure out the next steps and keep everything “the way it should be” was making me lose touch with the present moment. I was forgetting how to be happy with what was. I was losing myself. I feel I’ve come a long way from a year ago, but these are things I still struggle with.
Like I said before, I’m happy on my path right now only seeing what’s in front of me. However, sometimes I do get curious and try to see what’s over the hill and far, far away. Nonetheless, thank the powers that be for this amazing transformation thus far.
What I’m working on now within myself is really learning to let go. I don’t want to be burdened by the past, nor hindered by the future or what I try to predict the future to be. The bottom line is right now is all that matters. It’s all we have. The present moment is the only thing that is true even though it is fleeting.
Like Mike Ness from Social Distortion sings in Reach for the Sky:
“So if you please take this moment,Try if you can make it last
Don’t think about no future and just forget about the past..”
I hope this was as exciting for you all to read as it was for me to write (even the second time around). May the world bring you joy and everything that is good.
Sometimes I feel like I’ll never be anything. Sometimes I feel like I’ll never make something of my life. Sometimes I feel like I’ll always be in debt. Sometimes I feel hopeless.
Today is one of those days where all of my feelings are overwhelming my brain. It’s hard for me to handle and hard for me to explain.
This morning I met with an education counselor. I told her about my plans to leave the nursing program at my local community college and finish my bachelors degree at a state university.
When she showed me everything I just kept thinking to myself, gosh, I’m going to be in debt for a long time. This makes me feel defeated.
I want to save money and move out of my parents house. I want to start my life with my own things, my own space, and my own place. Am I asking too much?
At 24, I feel like I should be out by now. I did live on my own before for two years – once when I was 20-21 and once when I was 22. I spent this whole year living with mom and dad and have only managed to save $600.
That’s pathetic to me. In the beginning of the year I was debt free. I paid my car off this year and paid off my credit cards. I guess I did all of that just to open two new interest free cards. One for a computer for school which doesn’t even work now and one for my trip to San Francisco in March for Wrestlemania.
Both do not have interest for a bit yet, but I feel like I can’t save because I’m spending all of my money trying to pay them before the interest kicks in. Not to mention, I pay my student loan, car insurance, health insurance, rent to my parents, gas, food, and anything else I need for myself like clothes and toiletries.
I guess I just want a place to call my own where I can be free. I want to cook my own meals and not worry about bringing leftovers home to be eaten by another. I want to sit in my living room and watch tv whereas in my parents house, my dad owns the living room.
The problem is, I have a student loan now for classes I don’t even want to be in. I’m trying to make something of my writing and make that my career by getting my four year degree instead of going for nursing. And I’m just so confused.
If I stuck it out and be a nurse working I job I don’t care for, at least I know I’ll be making money. But I don’t want to do that. I want to enjoy what I do. I also however want to be able to live I my own.
I just wish life wasn’t so complicated.
I was blessed enough to be a part of the Handstand, Hugs, and Highways Tour 2014 with Baptiste affiliate studio, Mystic Power Yoga. My life has been forever changed and I can’t even begin to explain to all of you how. Nonetheless, I will try my best to share with you what has been shared with me.
When I walked into the Mystic Studio I could feel the excitement in the air. I could sense the curiosity of my fellow yogis as the looks on some of their faces was unsure what they were really about to experience. I could see how some were just ready for a good sweaty yoga class. By the end of the two and a half hour experience, everyone was glowing, rid of whatever expression crossed their faces just hours before. Let me share with you my perception of his beautiful night.
Walter and Acha are two young men from Kenya who participate in a program called the African Yoga Project. What it does, is it creates jobs for people in Kenya so they do not have to resort to stealing, prostitution, and other crimes to take care of themselves and their families. When I heard Acha and Walters’ stories of living on the streets, drug use, and theft, my heart broke. I could tell that they both really didn’t want that life – that was the life they were practically forced to live. They both described a hopelessness that they felt during those times in their lives. Just like most of us, they struggled to find hope, peace, and acceptance in life.
They were both introduced to yoga in Kenya and that’s where they began to change their lives. By finding inner peace through yoga, they have been able to travel the world and teach so many people not only their incredible story, but the gift of yoga.
I have never been more challenged in a yoga class like I was with Acha and Walter. Physically, it was the most demanding class I’ve participated in and mentally and emotionally, the most rewarding. What I have learned from them is a priceless lesson, and that is, we are all connected. We are all one.
They taught me to give something as simple as a smile can change someone’s day.They showed me to share a bit of sweat, growth, and energy is probably the best thing for the soul. They opened my eyes. They opened my eyes to what’s really going on in the world around us. They opened my heart and showed me how to love and care about strangers. They opened my mind to all of the amazing possibilities life can bring. They gave me something I can never thank them enough for – hope.
As this all comes full circle, they gave me hope after receiving hope themselves. Now I feel my mission is to share that hope with all of you. I feel like I’m so blessed and I take many of those blessings for granted every day. After catching a glimpse of what life is like for people in Kenya, I now understand a little bit more how amazingly wonderful and blessed my life really is.
I received many messages from this yoga class, one of which being to let yourself GROW. Growth is essential for change. It may hurt, but it’s worth it. Another message I took from this experience is to accept yourself for yourself, your past and everything that makes you an individual. In turn, accept other for who they are as well.
The last valuable lessons I learned from this class that I wish to share with you at this time, is to love. We are all connected – we are all one. There is not one soul more valuable than another. We are all equal and individually beautiful. Give to the world – give your love to the world and the world will give you love back. Although we are all different, our hearts all beat the same.
Thank you to Walter, Acha, and my yoga teacher Michele for making this all possible.
**All Photos taken by Rebecca Bicking