Why I’ve Been Away

Happy Monday, Everyone!!!!

So I’m sure some of you have noticed that I haven’t been posting frequently. Since I’m out of school for the summer I have more time and should be posting more, right?

Well as always, you can count on life to throw you some things you don’t really expect. With that said, let me fill you in on what the heck has been going on.

I finished my semester at the state university I was attending for Journalism. During the course of that semester, I lost my passion for why I was in school in the first place. The main reason was because I didn’t feel like I was learning at my full potential. A few of the classes I was in were like refreshers from courses I took while earning my Associates Degree in Journalism. That was disappointing considering I was in junior and senior level journalism classes.

What really had me questioning again was the battle in my head that is: “Nursing vs. Journalism”. For those of you who have been following me for a while, you know a little bit about that. Actually, here are a few past posts if you’re interested:

https://thegirldish.wordpress.com/2015/01/13/day-9-courage-is-not-the-absence-of-fear/

https://thegirldish.wordpress.com/2015/01/09/the-journey-within/

https://thegirldish.wordpress.com/2014/10/21/broken-castle-by-the-shore/

So if you want to read the roller-coaster that is my brain, you can read those above and stalk my blog for more cause Lord knows there are more ;p

Very long story short, I’ve decided to pursue once again my degree  in nursing and my fear of coming out with that for the second time is pretty great. I know people will look down on my decision and probably think that I am all over the place but I’m very excited about it and I’m looking forward to a new chapter in my life. This change will require me to take on a new job and I’m extremely happy for the change.

Also, throughout the course of the next eight months, I will be taking on yoga teacher training which I am so pumped for. I’ve concluded in my head that I would love to focus on holistic healthcare after I receive my degree and work experience in the nursing field. I plan to use my yoga teacher certification to aid that dream in big ways.

And lastly, I just started my first day of my third 40 Days to Personal Revolution Program at the yoga studio I go to and I’m so excited to be sharing that journey with all of you again. Be on the look for my first journal entry!

xoxoAngel Marie

I Just Want To Write

It’s 10:30pm. Seems normal for one to be awake, right? For me it’s Wednesday night and that means work Thursday morning. What’s wrong with that? Well, my work day isn’t your typical 9-5. I start at 4am and work until 4:30pm every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Needless to say, I wake up at 2am on these days.
Despite the early start time, it never fails that on Wednesday night I can’t sleep. I always have a bunch of ideas that pop into my head about things I should have done during the day, things I need to get done soon, articles I want to write, what I’m going to wear the next day – you name it, it has probably crossed mind on any given Wednesday night.
With that said, I’m writing because it’s Wednesday night and I can’t get out of my head.
Here goes my thoughts at the moment. Bare with me on this one – it’s really just a nice mashing of my brain sprawled out on my WordPress.
This past weekend, I started my Servin ‘ It Up Sundays segment, but I want to do so much more.
Within the past year, yoga and health and fitness have become very important to me. I’m thinking of starting a health and fitness day on here for writings of that nature. At school, I’m thinking of turning health and fitness into my niche column. The only problem I have with that is that I really want to portray in my articles that I am a well-rounded writer and can write about anything.
Speaking of the school paper, my first article was published in it this week and I just got to see it in print today. I am so excited and so proud.

IMG_2860-0

Anyway, I just have so much floating through my brain right now – this is a really scattered piece. What ties it together is the fact that I just want to write. I love writing and I can’t explain what a gift going back to school for writing is to me at this moment.
It’s like after a super crazy journey over the last six years God said, “Here. You’ve struggled and learned your lesson. You’ve begged me to give you this chance – now that you’re ready, savor every moment. Do everything you can and do it to the best of your ability. Never stop learning.”
I just want to tell all of you out there who feel like you’re going through what seems like the worst time of your life. I know it feels like it will never end, but trust me, if you keep believing you will be delivered in due time. Life gives you obstacles so you can overcome them and become a better person. If I hadn’t overcome some things, I would never be here today doing what I love.
Ask. Believe. Receive. Be grateful.

The Journey WIthin

Last night I was typing up what I thought to be a really great post for all of you. Unfortunately, I pressed the shift key to capitalize my next sentence and the entire post deleted right before my eyes. I was devastated to say the least. After proofing this one, I’m confident that I have delivered to all of you something even better than that last post and I’m so happy to share this with you all.

So without further a due, here it is: The Journey Within.

I wanted to take this time to share a few things with all of you. Yesterday at work I had one hell of a day. I could feel myself in my desk chair ready to snap like a rubber band that has been stretched passed its capacity. To keep it simple, my job has really been taking a toll on me.

During my lunch yesterday I decided to read some of my 40 Days to Personal Revolution book to clam my mind. What I found was not only profound, but completely astounding to me. The “ah-ha” moment happened for sure.

I’d like to share with you now two of the passages that really hit me where I needed to feel it.

“It is simply the willingness to see in full truthfulness what we need to face within ourselves and our lives so that we may get into right alignment.” – Baron Baptiste, 40 Days to Personal Revolution

This hit me harder than when Triple H hit Shawn Michaels in the back with a sledgehammer at the 2002 Summer Slam street-fight match.

Years prior to today, I would try to mask the truth from myself. I couldn’t make a decision about my life to save it. Was the relationship I was in at the time toxic? (Yes!) Was it good for me? (Hell no!) Should I pursue my BA Degree in Journalism? (Yes). Should I go to nursing school even though I hated my career as a Certified Nurses Aid? (Why would you if you already know you don’t like it?) Should I just stay out of school all together? (That’s what your relationship at the time drilled into your head.)

All of these things and much more would fill my brain as I’d lay awake at night restless and miserable. What I am seeing now is that my head was so clouded with so many things that I couldn’t see my path. I wasn’t ready to accept the truth and see situations for what they were. That was partly because of having so many things jumbled in my brain, but also because I felt the need to make everyone else happy. That was not leading me down a clear path.

The path I was on was covered in shrubs, dead trees, and darkness. I felt I had no light to lead me, nor any clarity on any one thing. It took a long series of events for me to see I was doing it all wrong and now I’m proud to say I am out of that toxic relationship and in a new awesome relationship where my opinions are valued and I am loved. I am pursing my BA Degree in Journalism at a State University and have left the nursing profession all together.

In the last year my life has taken a turn for the better and I couldn’t be more grateful. Now I feel I am on a clear path. The best part of this is, the path is clear only to what is in front of my at the moment. The rest of the path is unknown and I’m more than okay with that. I’m not saying it will always be this way, but for this moment, I’m so happy to have this realization and it brings me even more joy to share it with all of you. I love you all for your endless support and encouragement.

The second and final thing I wanted to share with you is this other quote from Baron’s book, 40 Days to Personal Revolution. It reads: “control freaks are usually insomniacs – they can’t let go.”

Coming from one fellow control freak, that statement is right on the money. My need to constantly try to figure out the next steps and keep everything “the way it should be” was making me lose touch with the present moment. I was forgetting how to be happy with what was. I was losing myself. I feel I’ve come a long way from a year ago, but these are things I still struggle with.

Like I said before, I’m happy on my path right now only seeing what’s in front of me. However, sometimes I do get curious and try to see what’s over the hill and far, far away. Nonetheless, thank the powers that be for this amazing transformation thus far.

What I’m working on now within myself is really learning to let go. I don’t want to be burdened by the past, nor hindered by the future or what I try to predict the future to be. The bottom line is right now is all that matters. It’s all we have. The present moment is the only thing that is true even though it is fleeting.

Like Mike Ness from Social Distortion sings in Reach for the Sky:

“So if you please take this moment,Try if you can make it last
Don’t think about no future and just forget about the past..”

I hope this was as exciting for you all to read as it was for me to write (even the second time around). May the world bring you joy and everything that is good.

Namaste.

2015/01/img_27131.jpg